Every woman has had her eye on or dated the type of guy I’m talking about here. You are never really sure where you stand with him or what his interest level really is. Call him Mr. Flake, Mr. Player, Mr. Self Absorbed or Mr. Afraid of Commitment. Whatever his romantic style, it’s just leaving you confused, frustrated and wondering what’s really going on in his mind. So, let’s spotlight the warning signs to look out for when a guy simply is not that into you or playing you.
The Physical Signs
He’ll avoid eye contact, his body is positioned away from you, his arms are folded tightly over his chest, and he does not encourage conversation or volunteers anything about himself. He maintains his distance.
The Emotional Signs
You’ve been dating for at least 6 months. He still can’t say he loves you or wants to talk about his feelings in regards to you. If you have a guy who is constantly telling you that he does not love you, is not in love with you, is not sure how he feels and does not see a future with you after the 6 month mark, believe him. I feel that is a good marker of time for him to know where he sees this going and if he is developing strong feelings for you or loves you. When a guy is into you, he’ll want to let you know how he feels when he is sure that you feel the same way. If he can’t do that, start re-assessing what you are still doing with him.
He Ignores or Shows You Disrespect
If he is ignoring you or disrespects you by putting down your values, thoughts and ideas, he’s just not interested in you or in a relationship with you. Don’t waste your time on a guy who does that and focus your attention on a guy who focuses on you.
He Shoots Down Your Social Invitations
This should be a clear sign to about 99% of women out there that he’s not interested in getting to know you better or pursuing anything further. Trust me ladies, the first time he declines your offer to hang out you could give him the benefit of the doubt. But when it’s many times in a row, he’s usually not that busy; he just doesn’t want to see you and is trying to be nice about it. If a guy is interested, he’ll be happy to schedule a rain check or follow up with an invitation of his own. He’s never too busy to make time for someone he really wants to have in his life.
Mr. Player aka The Honeymooner
I call this guy the honeymooner because of how long things remain fabulous while dating this guy. The first few weeks or month is sheer bliss. This guy starts off real aggressive, hot and heavy. He can’t see you often enough, calls all the time and declares his love for you early on. He’s so romantic, thoughtful and attentive that you think you’ve hit the love jackpot and won. He woos you with promises of a happy future together, taking you to great hotspots, cooking you dinner, and being that great listener who wants to share your hopes and dreams. You think he seems too good to be true. Well, he is. This guy is a classic neophiliac. He loves the thrill of the chase, and is enamored with the novelty of you. Once that has worn off and he has gotten what he wants, he sets his sights on the next pretty girl. How to protect yourself from this guy? Don’t fall for the lines and behavior right away. Take your time before investing your heart and proceed slowly. Make sure that he means what he says. And the best way to do that is to let time be your guide. Usually these guys don’t want to put in the work to develop anything long term so you’ll know in a short period of time if his words mean anything.
This one is characterized by constantly flaking out on you at the last minute. If a guy stands you up, blows you off or shows up late, he does not have respect for your time and plans. Bottom line, he does not respect you and does not care whether or not you are in his life.
Mr. Afraid of Commitment
You go on a great couple of dates, things are going wonderfully, you feel the chemistry, you click on so many different levels and then you never hear from him again. He’s never able to discuss his feelings or freaks out and distances himself when you express how your feelings for him have grown. He’s truly afraid of intimacy and what follows with it. So, you try not to pressure him and accept the flow of things because you think maybe if you give him time he’ll come around and choose you. You may be involved with a guy who falls in this category for months or even years and whenever the subject of a future pops up, he asks you what’s the rush, says he’s not ready, he needs more time, etc. Whatever his excuse for not committing, it’s tying you to a relationship that has hit a brick wall. It either moves forward or it does not. It’s his right to stay in limbo but it’s also your right not to have to wait around for him to commit. You can move on or at least date others in the interim until he does figure out what he wants. He may never figure it out or choose you but at least you aren’t wasting good dating years on an emotionally stunted and unavailable guy. Some men just can’t commit, are players, have fears of commitment due to bad past relationships, want to remain bachelors, or like you but not enough to choose you for a committed, long lasting relationship. If only we could tap into the mind of his therapist for his reasons for pushing away many good women who have loved him. But, the real deal is, when a guy is head over heels for a woman and loves her fully, he does not want to lose her and would rather step to the plate and commit than risk her walking out of his life. If he’s willing to watch you walk away, you know it’s time to kick him to the curb and keep on stepping.
Whether this guy is involved in another relationship with a girlfriend or wife, he should be off limits. Yet so many women are lured by the seduction of his words and think he’ll eventually dump the other woman and choose them. They are told the other woman is a witch, mean, does not understand them, is psycho and won’t leave him alone. Or, he says to you that their relationship has a lot of problems, they fight constantly, he is no longer sleeping with the girlfriend or wife, and he’s staying only for financial reasons or the children. The best lie of all: he’s planning on divorcing or leaving his wife or girlfriend very soon, just be patient. Now, months or years are passing by and his promises are not worth the paper they were written on. Women are natural nurturers and they want to take care of other people. Many feel that they can prove that with affection, attention and caring that they are different than the other person in his life and that is what he really needs. They believe his lies. A relationship based on a deception is not one that can have a real future because if he can cheat or lie to someone else to be with you, he can also do the same thing to you in the future.